Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Self Portraiture

This is a recent investigation I made into the self portrait.  Originally I wanted to paint a self portrait on a mirror.  With each stroke I imagined the mirrors ability to reflect and ever changing world would be fixed and therefore undone.  I would paint away the quicksilver mirror and replace it with a static matte portrait.

The first thing I discovered is that it is not easy to paint on a mirror the image reflected (in this case my face) while standing approximately a foot in front of it.  It is not only very tricky to see where the plane of the glass actually resides upon which you are trying to paint but, even worse, when you try to focus on a single concentrated point, your eyes cross.

The process of art making has a tendency of dramatically changing the original intent of the very idea that began the process itself.  At least I've found it so in my own practice.

So now I decide that if I am to accomplish a painted self portrait on this mirror I am standing in front of with crossed eyes, I shall have to close one eye and paint one side of my face and then close the other and paint the other side of my face.  Those of you with a little more understanding of human optics will know what this process produced, although I did not anticipate it at the time.  Two overlapping binary images of myself now stood starring back at me like two conjoined twins.

As I stand there pondering this development I realize that what is more interesting than the painting itself is my effort to find my image reflected back to me behind and in sync with the painted images on the mirror.  It's a "right-on-the-tip-of-my-tongue" moment.  For a second it seems as if all three images of myself will coalesce into one and unify and then it is lost again.

I stand for some time engaged in this pursuit, again amazed that that original idea had gotten me here, not unaware of the psychological implications of trying unify oneself, and I conclude that this now is the most interesting aspect of the work.  But how to show it?  Only I can stand in front of these painted images of myself and have this experience.  I imagine that I could paint the portraits again, on transparency, and then hang the transparency in front of me thereby setting up the same circumstances I found so interesting in looking into the mirror myself.

I had not planned on going out this afternoon, but I did not have any transparency.  Transparency had nothing to do with the original idea.  It was all about a mirror.  I had been looking for mirrors for weeks and thought I had finally found the right one.  Again, the idea has a funny way of getting what it wants, when you let it, and it will take you to places you had not expected to go.  So for art's sake I'm out the door to get some transparency.

I return, tape the transparency on top of the mirror and again paint another binary self portrait.  Finished I hang the transparency from the ceiling so that it floats in front of my face at approximately the same distance that my face floated in front of the mirror.   Setting up the camera and tripod in front of my seated self and the floating binary portrait I began to photograph the situation, again thinking this the end of my means.

As I'm trying to position myself to get that just right photo, I realize that I can not only move my physical body but my literal breath can move the floating transparency in front of me to a more desired position.  Now this becomes really interesting.  Two transparent, floating and overlapping binary images of myself being pushed and pulled into greater alignment or misalignment with myself by my very breath.  Obviously I must capture this process now with video.

When painting becomes photography becomes video.

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